The four hour flight from Chicago to Vegas played the movie "We Bought a Zoo." I put my headphones on nonchalantly thinking "How cute. A little kid's movie." I cried twice.
It's exhausting being crazy.
The only real joy I take in flying is that it gives me the opportunity to peruse "Sky Mall Magazine." Here are some of my favorite items from the most recent issue:
| Skymall calls this "The Neckpro Traction Device." |
A noose by any other name...
|This is a self-cleaning litter box, which disappointed me|
as I was hoping it was a kitty space capsule.
|This party animal must have been out too late.|
Luckily, he brought this discreet travel pillow with him for the flight.
| I'm pretty sure that when Etta James sang "At Last,"|
she had this milkshake in mind.
|Filet, braised short rib, lemon asparagus, and potato gratin.|
Aside from eating, we spent a substantial amount of time playing slot machines. My favorite machines were Batman, Ghostbusters, and Lord of the Rings. We also played some roulette. The first time I played roulette I put money on 8, even, 1-12, and black. The little ball landed on black 8 and I freaked out. I only won $50 because my bets were so small, but I was still pumped. Then I played the Ghostbusters slot machine and won $300. I was feeling pretty good about myself.
"The world is on my side," I thought. "I've got this whole gambling thing figured out."
I really know better, but I'll admit it: I got cocky. And I lost most of my winnings over the next few days trying to achieve that initial high. Luckily, I didn't lose much over all, and had a really good time.
|Here I am venturing into the Shire.|
While walking outside across the Strip, we were constantly bombarded by people in "Girls, Girls, Girls" t-shirts handing out business cards. They shove them against you, make noises to get your attention, and try to stand in your way as you cross the street. Then there are the homeless people with their cardboard signs. One lady just sat on the ground holding a cat wearing glasses. The poor cat kept swatting the glasses off of its face and trying to escape, but the woman just chased it down. My heart aches for that poor cat. I have a sneaking suspicion that those glasses weren't even prescription.
Even the newspaper machines outside contained porn or prostitution ads. Sometimes these ads would be cleverly disguised, like this one:
|These restaurants CAME highly recommended.|
|He always knows just what to say.|
Way to keep up morale, bozo. Your drama really calmed the rest of us down. I spent the rest of the flight gripping my armrests and watching a passenger dip goldfish crackers in off-brand Cheez Whiz.