Saturday, July 13, 2013

RIP Mail & Professional Matchmaking

"Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds." --  Inscription on the James A. Farley Post Office Building in New York City

Raise your hand if you have ever received a letter from your Postmaster.  If your hand is raised, was this letter included with the remnants of your mail in a small plastic body bag?  

The following was in my mailbox at work the other day:

When I flipped the bag around, I found this (and laughed until I cried):

RIP Junk Mail.
The USPS basically cut off the finger of my mail and sent it to me.  This will not stand, man.  Who handled my mail?  Captain Hook?  Wolverine?  A bear?

Still, I appreciate them sending me the remains of my mail so it can receive a proper burial.  Some may have been embarrassed by the condition of this letter and let it somehow slip through the cracks.  But not the U.S. Postal Service.  They are big enough to own up to their mistakes, and for that they have my thanks and admiration.

And receiving that letter wasn't half as bad as the receiving this email from Kaplan's LSAT Prep Department shortly after:

"Dear Jenna... I came across your resume from several years ago and was hoping you could help us with finding candidates for an open position we have in Huntington.  We are hiring a LSAT prep instructor to teach a course at Marshall University... Do you happen to know of anyone that would meet our qualifications and be interested in teaching part-time?  We are in a bind in finding a potential instructor... Sincerely, Will"

I honestly had a business contact me regarding my resume to ask if I know of any legitimate candidates.  Ouch.  It's the professional equivalent to finding a date on and meeting them for a drink, only to have them ask you if you have any attractive friends that might be interested in them because they are desperate.

What am I?  Chopped liver?  Instructor recruitment is your job, my friend, not mine.  

I take it back, Will.  I will help you.  

But only if I get a referral fee AND you send me a video of you singing the song "Matchmaker" from Fiddler on the Roof.