Friday, February 15, 2013

7 Spam Quick Takes (16)

I am dedicating this week's Quick Takes to my 7 favorite "spam" comments posted on my blog.  These comments are automatically blocked from public view, and probably give your computer a deadly virus if you click them.  Luckily, Blogger saves these comments for me in a "spam" folder so I can peruse them at my leisure, and share them with you now.


"I all the time used to study piece of writing in news papers but now as I am a user of net therefore from now I am using net for content, thanks to web."

There is a thought in there somewhere.  I am sure of it.  Just keep using net for content and studying piece of writing in news papers.  You'll get there.


"San Francisco Fays?  I suggest you learn our language, as, to best of my knowledge, there is no word Fay.  What stereotypical thinking you have.  You must be quite boring individual.  Have look at my web blog.  Zachary Lee."

Zach... can I call you Zach?  I will try to learn your language.  Is there a Rosetta Stone for Engrish?  Seriously, though, I appreciate the constructive criticism.  I will especially take to heart the part about San Francisco Fays.  Or I would, if I knew what you could possibly be talking about.


"My penis is very skinny, will it ever get wider or what can help the girth? Want to see my webpage?"

No.  I don't want to see your webpage.  And I don't know?  Maybe your penis developed an eating disorder due to its poor self-image.  Discussing it publicly on the internet certainly won't help.


"Awesome.  The awesomest post!  I have got much clear idea regarding from this paragraph."

That's funny, I have got a much less clear idea regarding from your paragraph.


"Its enormous paragraph about education and entirely defined.  Keep it up all the time."

This kind of reads like a poorly written and incoherent rap lyric.


"Hey there! Do you know if they make any plugins to protect against hackers?  I'm kind paranoid about losing everything I've worked hard on.  Any tips?  Click here."

He who smelt it, dealt it.  You can't fool me, hacker.


"Its like you read my mind!  You appear to know so much about this, like you wrote the book in it or something.   I think that you can do with a few pics to drive the message home a bit, but instead of that this is a great blog.  An excellent read.  I will certainly be back.  Look at my weblog."

This comment was in response to a post where I discuss being so sick with clostridium difficile that I couldn't even make it to the bathroom.  With this in mind, are you trying to tell me that I sound like I wrote the book on soiling one's bedsheets?  Furthermore, you want pictures to drive the message home?  Well, okay.  You are one sick puppy.

Check out Jen for more Quick Takes!

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Stuff White People Like

Monday evening I went straight from work to Chili's to eat dinner with Scott, Sarah, and Billy.  I didn't have time to change before going to dinner, and I was running a few minutes behind, so I parked, hopped out of my car in my business attire, and rushed inside to meet my friends.  During a brief lull in conversation, Scott piped up with "I'm going to address the elephant in the room.  Is it just me, or does Jenna get perpetually whiter with age?"

At first I thought Scott was commenting on my smooth ivory complexion, but then I realized he was referring to my personality.

"What makes you say that?" I asked, curious as to what brought this comment on.

"Jenna," Sarah responded, "you accidentally brought your brief case into the restaurant with you."

I looked on the floor beside me.  So I had.

Then Scott added, "And earlier in the conversation, you called 'dubs' on something instead of 'dibs.'"

"And what about your recent infatuation with brunch?"  Mmmmm, brunch.

"How often do you visit Starbucks and Panera Bread?"  Sarah added.

"Since when did it become a crime to enjoy a warm breakfast pastry and a cup of hazelnut coffee?" I retorted.

"And didn't you mention the other day that you'd like to learn to play the banjo or the fiddle?"

Okay, okay.  You've made your point, you bunch of racists.

Brief silence.

"Do you like the band Fun.?"  Billy asked.