Friday, April 12, 2013

Dear Diary... In 7 Quick Takes

Good news everyone!  I found my elementary school diary.  Want to see what's inside?


I wrote my first entry on March 13, 1992, a month after my 7th birthday.

This entry is rated PG-13 due to adult themes.  Also, my brother's friend would have been 12 at this point.  I had mad game.


When I was little my mom would tell me I was a 50-year-old man trapped in a 7-year-old's body.  Phrases in my diary like "life is going fine" prove her right.


Please look past the blatant bigotry in this post and focus instead on the fact that I asked my diary, an inanimate object, to help me get revenge on someone.


Talk about a love/hate relationship.  And what 7-year-old describes people as "having a kind heart?"


First, I didn't understand that you are supposed to kiss the page with lipstick, not draw lips on the page with lipstick.  Second, this love diamond I devised cracks me up because it also links Nathan and Shane together.  Apparently, I wanted to convey that Nathan loved me, I loved Shane, and Nathan and Shane loved each other.  Kinky stuff.


I sound half-human/half robot in this entry.  "The temperature of the pool was 87 degrees."  Did I bring equipment to test the temperature, or was this pure conjecture?  We will never know.  


This was typical of my childhood.  Mom and Matt go do something fun, while my Dad and I stay in to watch Star Trek.  But that Will Riker sure was dreamy...

Check out Jen for more Quick Takes!

Monday, April 8, 2013

We Treasure Argghh Chests

On Saturday I ran in the Dirty Girl Mud Run.  The Dirty Girl is a 5K mud run and obstacle course that raises money for the National Breast Cancer Foundation.  It is a brilliant event on so many levels.  

First, the run is an opportunity for women to do one of their favorite things:  make clever t-shirts with racy puns about boobs.  (You'll notice the word "racy" in the previous sentence was a double entendre.  Impressive, I know, but please hold your applause until the end.)  I was impressed by a number of clever t-shirts and team names, including "All Guts, No Nuts," "Save 2nd Base," and "Hakuna My TaTa's."  My team opted for a pirate theme with t-shirts that read "We Treasure Our Chests."  Arghhhh!

Second, this event gives its participants the chance to complete ridiculous obstacles while getting covered with goop, allowing me to finally realize my dream of being in a situation similar to the show "Double Dare."  Only without those pesky trivia questions.  Or Marc Summers.  Or green slime.  Actually, this event was nothing like "Double Dare."  Nevermind.  Back to square one.

Third, the event isn't timed, which encourages teams to work together instead of getting too competitive.  You might think this is a downside, but as a girl who gets genuinely excited about ties, I think it's great.

Fourth, workers hand you beer at the finish line.  I think this is to help dull the pain you feel from crawling around in gravel-filled mud, and to prepare you for the freezing hosing tent they refer to as a "shower room."

Anyway, my team consisted of me (duh), my step-mom, Tammy, my sister-in-law, Brandy, my best friend, Sarah, and several of Brandy's awesome friends (Michelle, Marlena, and Sarah).

Here is my team before the run.  Notice the lovely accessories
that, sadly, will not all make it through the race.
Oh, I got to wear some pretty sweet fake tats for the race.
Nothing honors one's mother quite like a temporary tattoo on one's chest.
The fact that this gun tattoo was almost too big
for my "guns" made me feel weak and frail.
Here is one more clean and pretty pre-race picture. Brandy has a tiny gun
tattoo on her finger.   Our team was sponsored by the NRA.  Obviously.
The race was a 5K trail run at Coonskin Park in Charleston, and had 12 obstacles spaced throughout it.  One obstacle was a giant inflatable slide that sent you flying straight into a pool of muddy water.  There were also tarps to army crawl under, giant rope walls to climb, and pools of cold water to wade through.  It was like a playground for adults.  A wonderful, mucky, slippery playground.

Now for some action shots:

Sarah tackled me in the final mud pit.
I would have expected nothing less.
Here is my team post-run.  Somewhere along the line
I lost my bandana and my wristband.
There were only two downsides to this race: the communal shower tent with sub-zero water temperatures and waking up the next morning with whiplash.  

All-in-all, totally worth it.