Monday, June 18, 2012

You Don't Have to Be Lonely...

I was watching VH1's 100 Greatest One Hit Wonders of the 80s the other day when I saw the following commercial for

My first thought was "Why am I watching a show where I am the targeted audience for this commercial?"  

My second thought was "Am I a city folk?" 

My third thought was "How do I feel about talking cow yokel spokespersons?"  I suppose if Chick-Fil-A can do it, so can dating websites.

Please don't take this as an endorsement of
Chick-Fil-A's political views.
Anyway, Farmers Only made me curious as to what other niche dating sites are out there.  Research revealed that many dating websites have a direct counterpart.  Partisanship has bled over into the online dating realm.  (Really. Depending on your political leanings you could join either or

Other examples of yin and yang in the online datingsphere:

The website is for people who want to date someone who values health and fitness, whereas caters to BBW (Big Beautiful Women), BHM (Big Handsome Men), SSBBW (Super-Sized Big Beautiful Women), and their admirers.

The dating website describes itself as “an elite online club, where every member works the door” and where “applicants are required to be voted in by existing members of the opposite sex.”  This is in contrast to which offers "dating for the aesthetically average."

This is the offensive promotion for "The Ugly Bug Ball."
As the wise Seth Avett of The Avett Brothers once said:
"There are no ugly (people), just different shades of pretty." is for virgins who have “neither shared his/her gametes with somebody else, nor has sexually participated personally or assisted by objects in same sex or heterosexual acts involving either sexual penetration or other types of intimate contact including intimate acts carried out remotely.”   My understanding is that is for people wanting to exchange their gametes. 

Like riding bikes?  Try  Like riding horses?  Try  Like riding sea captains?  Try  No, seriously.  This “premier dating service for Sea Captains” promises to help you "find your first mate."  

"In the unforgiving ocean of love, let us be your lighthouse."
The website is practical and clever!
My other favorite sites were:
  • This site claims to have nothing to do with illegal activity.  I wasn't the only one misled by the name of the site, as the featured member quote is “got to have good head an good drank an grass is what is craccin."
  • Tagline: "We're hot for ginger because ginger is beautiful."  Also, this website taught me that January 12 was international kiss a ginger day.
  •  This site uses "The Science & Art of Love in fine tuning the search for meaningful relationships. Scientists offer compelling data on romantic chemistry and findings prove that passion is subconsciously ignited when we spot someone whose facial features are similar to our own."  Basically, they find someone for you to date that looks as much like you as possible.  Narcissism much?
  •  Tagline: "Date me.  Date my pet."  This is misleading.  You don't actually date their pet, you just take your pets on a date with you.  I didn't want anyone else to create a profile due to this misunderstanding.
My main problem with these sites is the idea of defining oneself by a single overarching trait.  This could lead to tough decisions for some, like whether to join TrekPassion or WeWaited (just kidding, Trekkies.  Huge TNG fan here).

Plus, I think it would be boring to date someone with your exact interests.  If you both have red hair or the same favorite STD, what else will you have to talk about?  

Wait.  That wasn't the point of STD-match?