Saturday, March 10, 2012

Stay Away from Bears

My friend Sarah as Rapunzel.  The top of the wig was large and fluffy,
like a blonde version of a British Palace Guard hat.
            This morning my friend Sarah and I volunteered at a local children’s character breakfast.  It’s an event where children are served eggs, bacon, and biscuits, as they watch their favorite TV and movie characters parade out to music.  After the breakfast, the kids get the chance to meet all of the characters.  Sarah dressed up like Rapunzel, and due to technical difficulties I went from playing the part of Sleeping Beauty to being Minnie Mouse’s handler.  As handler, my job was to parade Minnie around in front of the children, while making sure she didn’t run into anything.  I felt like an owner in a dog show, leading my canine around in a circle for everyone to see, except my canine was actually an adult woman who was visually handicapped by a gigantic Minnie head.
My sixteen-month-old niece, Lola, came to join the festivities.  She enjoyed seeing the characters, as long as they kept their distance.  She also carried around a banana for the majority of the morning, which I found adorable and endearing.
Lola and her banana friend
After the breakfast, Sarah asked me to go with her to a friend’s “psychic party.”  I have never had a psychic reading before, and I’m embarrassed to admit that I really hoped my reading would be both accurate and illuminating.  It wasn’t.  At least not as far as I can tell.  I tape-recorded my session so I could review it and share the highlights.  On an aside, the psychic sounded exactly like Cleveland from Family Guy.
            First, he told me that I might be pregnant with a baby boy.  My immediate thought was that maybe I shouldn’t have just had that glass of wine.  As if he read my mind (zing), the psychic reassured me that my baby will be healthy.  (For the record, because I know it will be asked, I am not pregnant).
            Second, he excitedly told me I am going to go to Dollywood this summer.  “It sure feels like it’s gonna be fun,” he said.
            Third, he informed me that I should have gone to school to be a lawyer.  I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I’ve already done that.
            Fourth, he told me that my best friend is going to marry a guy with amazing abs.  My psychic stressed the word “amazing.”
            Most importantly, he told me to stay away from bears.  I think this is a good rule of thumb for everyone.  We could all benefit from this sage advice.
            The only other highlight of my day was quitting a game with a stranger on the iPhone app “Draw Something” because of their inexcusably bad drawings and guesses.  This person drew what appeared to be a red piece of bacon and somehow expected me to guess “trophy.”  This is only the second person I have quit playing against.  The first time was several days ago when I drew a gloriously artistic lavalamp, only to have the person guess “lampalav” before giving up.  My suspicion is that they did this just to irritate me.


  1. I can't wait to meet those abs of my dreams!

  2. So you're saying you went to a gay psychic who didn't even have the decency to sound certain of his own gibberish.

  3. I wonder if law schools pay the psychic a referral fee...

  4. LOL. This is all hysterical. Say hello to Dolly for me!

  5. What happens if there are bears at Dollywood? Did you give you a plan of attack?

  6. No way Olivia, the man with nice abs is all mine! ;)

    1. Krystal, there are plenty of abs in the sea!